Eat raw tarantulas in hot sauce for someone

Emma_2 "That’s it!"

"That’s the dress I want!"

I peered at the computer screen over her shoulder, at a pink satin halter dress like Marilyn Monroe wore in the 1950s, with a crinoline petticoat underneath.

"Does it come in black?" she asked, worriedly.

"I’m sure it does…let’s see." We clicked through all the choices–pink, gold, green, red. No black. I emailed the company. They wrote back "sorry." I emailed again to ask for the name of the manufacturer, thinking "let’s go to the source." They wrote back that actually a manufacturer creates the dresses under the store’s label and couldn’t possibly get a black one done in time.

There’s just nothing I hate more than hearing someone say, "I can’t."

Emma_ready_for_promIt had all started so innocently. An invitation to the Prom from a young man who has become very affectionately known as Kilt Boy. A need to match a Montreat tartan kilt. A 1950s halter dress that, as it turns out, not only didn’t come in black but evidently has never existed in the history of online shopping in black. Trust me, I know. And, of course, the final ingredient–a mother who would eat raw tarantulas in hot sauce if it meant saving her daughter.

37days readers helped, sending links to beautiful dresses. "Not really. Nope. I mean, it’s really nice, but not exactly," Emma responded to each one. Clearly, she would have settled for one that was sort of like what she wanted. But why?

Have I mentioned that I like a challenge?

An old friend from high school–haven’t seen her in 30 years!–left a comment suggesting I get someone to make the dress. Thanks, Edie! She even found a pattern that was perfect. Just for kicks, I sent a note out to the neighborhood list serve I had started four years ago evidently Just For This Very Purpose. I envisioned myself on the corner of Sweeten Creek Road and Biltmore Avenue in a chicken suit begging for a prom dress by week’s end.

But, instead, within twenty minutes, I had my answer: the costumer for the local neighborhood Shakespeare Theater Company would make the dress. In less than a week. I had never even met her, but her email buoyed me: "I also have a daughter I’d do anything for. We can do this. Here’s the plan. Here’s the kind of zipper I need." Victoria, we are forever indebted to your "let’s get this done" attitude!

I guess I could have driven Emma to the mall and said, "pick one." But where’s the fun in that?

Emma_happy_prom She will only be 15-3/4 and going to her first prom once. For that matter, I’ll only be 48-3/4 and living May 8, 2008, once, so the same principles should apply.

We first met in the costume room of the Shakespeare company surrounded by brocades, golds, waistcoats, petticoats. Emma was measured to within an inch (literally) of her life. I ordered the pattern. Picked it up. Took it to the sewist, as Edie calls them. The sewist emailed Instructions for Idiots to Take to the Fabric Store. We visited fabric stores to see black satin. Who knew there was more than one kind?

"Looks too much like leather."

"Too shiny."

"Too loud when you move it."

I needed to buy carbon offsets just for the trips it took to find the right satin at Foam and Fabric.

Emma_descending We sat and waited for days while Victoria did her magic. If by "waiting," what you mean is "searching for the perfect shoes, a black crinoline, and a dainty purse in which to carry a cell phone that is never farther than no inches from her hand."

Emma busied herself the whole week by practicing walking in her shoes. She only fell down the stairs once, a tragedy we both responded to not by questioning whether she was hurt, but by checking to make sure the heels weren’t broken.

Finally, the call to come over and be fitted, so the hemming could begin. It was beautiful. Emma beamed that beamy smile that seems like she can’t stop smiling it when she is really, really happy.

Tarantulas have never, ever tasted so good.

"I would have finished it last night," Victoria said when she finally called on Friday, the day before the prom. "But my hand cramped up at 2-1/2 hours of hemming. Am doing it all by hand because it’ll look nicer."

Took her four hours to hem that dress.

Kilt Boy arrived right on time, looking absolutely dashing in his Montreat tartan kilt, with white roses for a corsage. Did I mention that I love the fact that he wore a kilt to the prom? We left them alone while he adorned her with a beautiful sash of tartan to match his, pinned very meticulously with a pin from his kilt. They looked young and happy and slightly nervous but only because there were Adults Intently Staring at Them.

"Don’t forget to get your photograph made at the prom," I yelled after them as they escaped.

Do you see an official photograph posted here? I thought not.

Emma_and_connell_prom_2 "Do you remember that party we had for you after the prom your junior year?" my mother asked when I called to tell her they were gone. "Um…sure?" I said. "Sissy and I spent hours rolling grapes in sugar for that party–do you remember that? I hope you remember it, so it wasn’t all in vain!" she said brightly.

Will Emma remember all this? I don’t know. But I will. Perhaps it’ll be like sugar-rolled grapes that I kind of remember, but my mother really remembers.

37days Do it Now Challenge

Ask for help to make the dress of your dreams. Roll a thousand and one grapes in sugar. Find the perfect shoes and practice wearing them. Eat tarantulas for someone else. And, like the sewist–Victoria–every once in a while, eat raw tarantulas in hot sauce for someone you have never even met.

About Patti Digh

Patti Digh is an author, speaker, and educator who builds learning communities and gets to the heart of difficult topics. Her work over the last three decades has focused on diversity, inclusion, social justice, and living and working mindfully. She has developed diversity strategies and educational programming for major nonprofit and corporate organizations and has been a featured speaker at many national and international conferences.

51 comments to " Eat raw tarantulas in hot sauce for someone "
  • Kilt Boy's Mom

    Hi Patti–I love this entry! For the record, your documentation of their first prom night is longer, more eloquent and funnier than mine. I posted the same photos and all my ‘friends’ gushed over how adorable they looked (she’s known affectionately as ‘TubaGirl.) And who am I to argue with my internet friends? They are absolutely right.

    Thank you again for sending the images. Our extended family is very grateful.
    Diana & Bill

  • abirdinthehand

    Please tell me that I am not the only one who read this with the words wavering on the page. The shoes are so doggone pretty and perfect. In fact, I like their feet the best in the shot of the two of them together. I, too, had a mother who would eat those tarantulas and was hemming my prom dress as I fixed my hair. My date arrived some twenty minutes later. Best thing is…I’d eat tarantulas for my son who would eat them for his baby daughter. Beautiful how that works, isn’t it?

  • Beautiful young lady! :) Lovely pictures.

    Right as I was thinking this, I started counting on my fingers. In exactly seven years my daughter will only be 15-3/4 and going to her first prom once. For that matter, I’ll only be 48-3/4 and living May 8, 2015, once.

    Wonder what I´ll be doing then. And she is SO worth eating raw tarantulas for. *big grin*

  • Kim

    Emma is so lovely. My daughter never went to any high school dances or proms. I guess I will have to wait for her to get married to have that “eat raw tarantulas in hot sauce and go to any lengths to find or create the perfect dress” experience.

  • tracy

    she looks gorgeous, ethereal, + timeless.
    wonderful photos as well.

  • Becky

    “Hit the road, Jack and don’t you come back, no more, no more, no more, no more!”

    That is me, eating tarantulas in hot sauce for my two year old daughter. Don’t ask me why, but she absolutely loves that song so while we’re in the car, it’s all we listen to. I counted. We listened to it 18 times in the car today. Of course I sing it at 1 am in my sleep and in the shower and while working out (listening to other music). But nothing beats the way she waves her finger back and forth in the air and sings “No more, no more, no more, no more!” Bring on the tarantulas!

  • This post makes me happy. So I can only imagine what it has done for you, and for Emma, for the sewist, for Kiltboy, and for everyone else involved.

  • Maggie McKay

    Just beautiful! Your daughter is so lovely. Your story made me think of my first prom and my mother swearing me to secrecy not to tell my aunt (her sister) how much she paid for my spring green halter dress with fringed shawl. I loved that dress–it was an outrageous color and I still remember how sophisticated I felt. Thanks for the pre-Mother’s Day memory of a mother who would have eaten tarantula’s for all her children–(but especially her daughter!)

  • She looks so beautiful!!! What a wonderful story.

  • gotta love a boy who is brave enough to wear a kilt to prom … and a girl who is dear enough to see past the kilt and those bare knees!

    what a lovely moment you have captured …..

  • Sigh…she’s really lovely.

    I love, love the dress – may need something like it for my wedding. May need to have it made.

  • Beautiful. And as the Auntie who opened her mail on Tuesday to find my 17-year-old (senior) niece’s prom photos (it was Saturday night) and was instantly transported back to the memory of her toddler self curled up on my lap sucking her thumb thru her blankie…which I am POSITIVE was JUST THE OTHER DAY…I can only imagine how sweet this experience must be when it’s your baby. ;)

  • I love starting my day by reading posts such as this. It reminds me of a time when my little one (now 27) wanted to be a unicorn for Halloween – I had one heck of a time making that horn stick on the cap but I did it -and then she wanted a purple tail -so I took the gray yarn tail off of the leotard and to the yarn store I went – and she was the cutest unicorn in thw world – and we still have that costume – just in case we ever need one again! Ah,sweet memories!

  • Wonderful entry. All the effort and angst.Worth it! Worth it! Worth it! Ellouise

  • Sally

    Awesome.

    Almost erases the memory of my one (AWFUL) prom. I hope I remember your experience and not mine when it’s my daughter’s turn in, oh, 10 or so years.

  • I have to start with OMG she’s absolutely stunning! And when I saw the first photo, I honestly thought it was a lovely vintage photo of someone from long ago… it so totally suits her…

    Eat tarantulas? Well, spiders give me the willies, so could it be diced very finely and sauted with a nice herb-infused oil first? And could I wait to find out it was a tarantula after I’ve eaten it? Or does that not count as sacrificial enough?

    I think I may’ve missed the point. I’m shuddering too much to absorb the rest. ;-)

  • *sniff*.
    *sniff*sniff*sniff*

    I never thought I would say this…gulp…I see this post and want to be a mom.

  • Miss G. Marshall

    She is ravishing.

  • Your daughter is so beautiful. And this post is so true and wonderful. It makes my chest ache and my eyes tear up and all with gratitude for the people in this world who care like this.

  • You make me cry in the very best way.

  • You’re a really cool mom. I can’t imagine the average woman going through all of that just to get her daughter the right prom dress!

  • Sharon

    This is such a fantastic story. A prom date who has such character that he wears a kilt. An unstoppable mother daughter team. A lovely young couple expressing their individuality and style (I love the tartan sash!). And best of all, as we move towards Mother’s Day, a mom who will eat tarantulas! Simply inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

    Now, I must dash off and find my own set of tarantulas in service of my little ones.

  • Skater

    She was all in black but for a yellow pony tail
    that trailed from her cap, and bright blue gloves
    that she held out wide, the feathery fingers spread,
    as surely she stepped, click-clack, onto the frozen
    top of the world. And there, with a clatter of blades,
    she began to braid a loose path that broadened
    into a meadow of curls. Across the ice she swooped
    and then turned back and, halfway, bent her legs
    and leapt into the air the way a crane leaps, blue gloves
    lifting her lightly, and turned a snappy half-turn
    there in the wind before coming down, arms wide,
    skating backward right out of that moment, smiling back
    at the woman she’d been just an instant before.

    ————-
    Ted Kooser
    from Delights & Shadows,
    Copper Canyon Press, Port Townsend, WA 2004

    ~~~

    I am nourished by your site; completely enveloped in other activities I haven’t updated mine for several years, but include its link by way of introduction.

  • Tina

    I came here through Dress-A-Day and I’m so glad I did. I am still amazed at the wave of emotion that hit me when my daughter found the perfect wedding dress…it was so unexpected and so powerful.
    The fact that your daughter picked the guy with a kilt and wore the sash says miles about how she’s been raised and what a fine woman she’ll be. A lesser soul wouldn’t have wanted her lovely dress covered…instead she added to it with charm and style. Well done, Mom.
    And start getting ready for the Wedding Dress tsunami.

  • I came here by Dress-a-Day too. And I was so touched. What a kind and lovely story. I’m feeling a little sniffley! You remind me a lot of my mother- which trust me, is a wonderful compliment :)

  • The year: 1967

    The occasion: Formal Christmas dance, freshman year of college.

    The dress: Pale blue velveteen – sleeveless, deep square neck with white fur and pearl rope trim at the empire waist and matching bolero made by my mother. Yes, last minute hemming. And matching cummerbund for my date.

    Yes, Emmma WILL remember it – as I remember my dress 41 years later!

  • deborah

    What a wonderful story, a beautiful girl and an awesome mum!

    (Another visitor from Dress-a-Day.)

  • Add me to the dress-a-day visitors. Thank you – I needed this story today. A beautiful girl, a loving mother, and an incredibly kind costumer who obviously wants to dress the world well. Wow.

  • La BellaDonna

    Also here courtesy Dress-A-Day. I, too, at first thought your daughter’s photo was just a lovely vintage treasure. No, turns out she’s a very MODERN treasure!

    She and her beau are two lovely young adults; she is beautiful, he is dashing and charming. And I love a man in a kilt!

    Lovely mom, lovely daughter, lovely story. Thank you.

  • Judy

    I read this blog entry from a link at A Dress A Day. I was really enjoying the story and then got to the part about Sweeten Creek Rd! I know where that is! I’m moving not too far from there in 6 weeks!! And I do custom clothing and teach sewing! If she ever needs another dress…

    I’d also like to know more about your neighborhood list

    Judy

  • how lovely!! You have a gorgeous daughter, and they both look wonderful!

  • LOVED this story…found you via “A Dress A Day.” It made me think of my wedding dress quest, and my mother’s incredible support. It was a bonding time for us both. Thank you for sharing your story and the photos!

    As I was looking at the pictures of your lovely daughter, I thought “gee, that wisteria looks like home. *sigh*” Then I saw the reference to the Montford Park Players, and I was thrilled. “Of course! I know where they live! Where else could such a cool family live?”

    I’m from Tryon, currently living half a planet away in Japan. Wave down the mountain for me, please, and smile at the Laughing Seed, and Earthguild, and Pack Square, and…well, the list is far too long.

  • You made me laugh. You made me cry. Your daughter is amazingly lovely – she has a nostalgic beauty about her. And kilt boy is fabulously brave for being himself, and your daughter too is incredibly brave for letting him. What a lucky girl. Tarantulas in hot sauce. Yep. I would do it too! This is the best thing I have read in ages. Truly!

  • Liz

    Came over from Dress a Day to read your post. Your daughter is beautiful. I love the 1940’s way she looks in the first picture.

    I agree w/your other online friends: *sniff, sniff* for the day my (now 4 year old) daughter starts growing up into fancy dresses.

    -Liz

  • Sandra

    I made that dress for my wedding reception; Your daughter has great taste!

  • golden star

    This is my first visit; I came here from Dress A Day. She is lovely and after perusing your photos, I see the mom in the Emma.

    It’s a beautiful thing.

  • Heidi

    Marvelous! Great well-told story!
    Emma is so utterly heart-breakingly lovely. Kilt Boy has great style.

    Most of all you are the very sweetest and devoted of Mums and I just adore you.

  • There just aren’t words for how incredibly cool this is.

  • Here from Dress a Day — and so happy to be here! What a fabulous story, and a beautiful daughter in a gorgeous dress, with an amazing supporting staff behind her helping her get to this moment.

    Yay! This story made me incredibly happy.

  • The dress looks lovely! As a fellow costume designer/Costume Shop Manager, I heartily agree that hand hems look better! The last show I did had 9 enormous (At least 8 yards apiece) hems that were all done by hand.

    I wish I had a kilt-wearing prom date when I was in High School. :)

    I commend your use of internet networking, and your choice in a custom dress. It was obviously all worth it! Your daughter is very lucky to have you for a mom.

  • Another visitor from A Dress A Day. :)

    That is beautiful and she looks so happy. I love the spinning picture in your other post. She’s a very lucky girl :)

  • Woke up this morning wondering whether or not I should give up on the thought of a third child and possibly my first girl. Oh, how this story tempts me to try one more time.

  • Wow! Your girl is a knockout! She has a distinctive look (must be the round face) unlike so many teenagers today who strive to look identical. Lovely dress and she wears it well.

  • raq

    your daughter is so beautiful! i can only hope to look half as good for prom…

  • she looks absolutey gorgeous in the dress. her smile is worth every live tarantula dipped in hot sauce that you had to eat!

  • jylene

    oh, patti, so beautiful… as i’ve said before, your girls are so lucky to have you as their mother. i remember my older daughter’s first prom and how i ran around like a crazy woman to make sure that every single detail was just exactly the way she wanted it to be. when my younger daughter had her first prom i was scheduled to be out of town and it nearly broke my heart. so i had to get all the details taken care of before leaving. and i gave very specific instructions to members of my family about recording the getting ready and departing scenes! btw, congratulations to emma for getting the most comments ever seen on 37days! i thought the tuba story had the most, but this has to exceed even that post. XOXO

  • Wonderful story!

    1. Emma’s smile in the third picture, all by itself, makes this project worth it!

    2. “Just for kicks, I sent a note out to the neighborhood list serve I had started four years ago evidently Just For This Very Purpose….” – This is the very embodiment of the wisdom “Build your network before you need it.”

  • I just found you via the Shades Mother’s Day Carnival and loved your posting. What a lucky daughter to have a mother like you. I teach 15 3/4 year olds girls, but have sons and wonderful daughters-in-law. What a wonderfully rich story. Thank you.

  • I know you already got a hundred comments on this but you linked it today (Jan 4 2009) and I came here and I cried. Such a sweet sweet story. You are such a good mom.
    What a lucky daughter!!!!!
    I am sure she’ll remember it too.

  • Geez, Patti. I freakin’ love this story. That’s it. All my words are gone.

  • Ok, now I’m going to cry. What a sweet sweet post. That Emma, what an angel.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *