vigil

July 18, 2010 in Uncategorized
2010-07-16 15.36.43I promised my friend Nina I would not let her die alone. And so I wait with her, for her.

Today, someone in the nursing home (not a staff member) said, "She doesn't know you're here. You should go home."

"But I know I'm here," I said. I told Nina I would be here–there weren't conditions attached to that. Not if it was convenient or if she knew I was here or if I was well-rested, no. I told her I would be here. And so I am here.

The nurse told me last night that Nina was "actively dying."

"Aren't we all?" I asked.

Aren't we all.

May Nina soon rest beautifully, exuberantly, peacefully, amazingly, mischievously in peace.

[photograph taken with Nina's permission]

About Patti Digh

Patti Digh is an author, speaker, and educator who builds learning communities and gets to the heart of difficult topics. Her work over the last three decades has focused on diversity, inclusion, social justice, and living and working mindfully. She has developed diversity strategies and educational programming for major nonprofit and corporate organizations and has been a featured speaker at many national and international conferences.

22 comments to " vigil "

  • Reply
    Sandy
    July 18, 2010 AT 3:30AM

    You are a wonderful person and friend for being with her and not letting her be alone.

  • Reply
    Jean
    July 18, 2010 AT 3:54AM

    You are giving the greatest human gift anyone can give. Bless you for keeping your promise.

    I hold you both in my heart.

  • Reply
    Leila E. Miranda-Lavertu
    July 18, 2010 AT 4:46AM

    What a gift to have your reassuring presence at her side!

    I wonder if other people out there with compassionate hearts like yours know about the No One Dies Alone (NODA) volunteer companion program? They can share that loving presence and peaceful energy with someone at the end of their life’s journey.

    http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Kindness-of-Strangers-How-One-Nurse-Made-Sure-No-One-Dies-Alone/2

  • Reply
    Marcy
    July 18, 2010 AT 7:48AM

    How lucky, and blessed, Nina is to have you at her side. (I wouldn’t want to leave either!)

    Thank you for your devotion, to Nina, to us, and to a meaningful life.

  • Reply
    Cynthia
    July 18, 2010 AT 8:28AM

    Grace and Peace, Patti … to you and to Nina.

  • Reply
    wendy
    July 18, 2010 AT 8:31AM

    bless you, patti & nina, for this moment, these words, this photo, through which we are all holding vigil in our hearts.

  • Reply
    Peggy
    July 18, 2010 AT 8:41AM

    Patti: You and Nina are in my thoughts and prayers. Such a strong thing to do for your friend!
    Is it possible to hug someone just by thoughts? If so, I hugged you today.

  • Reply
    ramblin rose
    July 18, 2010 AT 8:51AM

    i love you patti. i want to cry, for the sadness and loss, compassion, caring, priorities you have, love, and connection and promises. she knows u r there. i promise you that. she knows. she will always know and you will always know. love, amy

  • Reply
    Cindy Bock
    July 18, 2010 AT 9:16AM

    Patti Digh you have to be one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. I love that you LOVE!

    sending white light and much love to you and Nina.

  • Reply
    gwyn
    July 18, 2010 AT 9:26AM

    Chills Patti! Seriously. I sat with my Mother while she was “actively dying”. The last photos I took of her were of her hands. On some level she does know, and that matters.XXOO

  • Reply
    Beth
    July 18, 2010 AT 9:32AM

    Oh my. I gasped when I read what that “someone” told you, about going home.

    How callous!

    I know I will want someone there with me, whenever that day comes.

    Thank you for being there for Nina.

    Love and peace to you both.

  • Reply
    Ellen
    July 18, 2010 AT 10:19AM

    You are a wonderful friend. What a blessing for both of you to be together.

  • Reply
    Jan
    July 18, 2010 AT 12:29PM

    What a beautiful and loving act. She knows you are there, and she knows she won’t die alone. What a gift to have someone with you when you leave this world and enter another. Bless you both

  • Reply
    kelly
    July 18, 2010 AT 1:18PM

    Yes, aren’t we all. Will keep you, and Nina, in my thoughts.

  • Reply
    tracy scott
    July 18, 2010 AT 3:06PM

    patti~ you are doing one of the most difficult and most beautiful things humans can do for one another. you are an angel.

  • Reply
    Carolyn Meyers
    July 18, 2010 AT 5:11PM

    What an awesome friend you are to Nina, Patti. She DOES know you are there. Your actions never cease to amaze me, girl!!

  • Reply
    Niki
    July 18, 2010 AT 6:01PM

    What an honor to be there when someone dies. Some might think that they are fulfilling a promise or an obligation when they sit with someone who is dying. Actually, they are receiving a gift. A gift like no other. Earlier this year, I sat with my mother when she was dying. She was there for my first breath and I was there for her last.

  • Reply
    McMedia
    July 18, 2010 AT 8:36PM

    I wish everyone could have a friend like you Patti. Truly extraordinary. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Because of you, Nina’s memory shall be eternal.

  • Reply
    Teri and the cats of Furrydance
    July 20, 2010 AT 9:30PM

    …your post says so much about what is really important in this life. Giving and therefore receiving so much in return. I had not heard of NODA and have bookmarked the site…

  • Reply
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    July 11, 2013 AT 1:01AM

    […] Nina wanted me around more and more as she navigated this disease, as she quickly lost the ability to walk, to talk, to swallow because, as she told me in one of the thousands of notes on yellow legal pads she wrote to me as her speech failed her: 1) I didn’t look at her with a sad woeful face every time I saw her; 2) because I calmed her down when she panicked and 3) because I didn’t panic when she choked on her own saliva but acted, instead, like it was the most normal thing in the world and in fact, like I did it all the time too. She also liked me because I made her laugh. Unfortunately she often laughed so hard that she choked on her own saliva, see point #3, above. […]

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