Say “I love your hair”

May 22, 2009 in Uncategorized

Braid A marvelous woman named Trudy from Canada came to our first Life is a Verb retreat last September. I loved her immediately. It is on her blog that I found this poem today. It spoke to me of what we don't say. And of the words we clumsily choose to approximate what we need to say.


I Confess


I stalked her

in the grocery store: her crown

of snowy braids held in place by a great silver clip,

her erect bearing, radiating tenderness,

watching

the way she placed yogurt and avocados in her  basket,

beaming peace like the North Star.

I wanted to ask, “What aisle did you find

your serenity in, do you know

how to be married for fifty years or how to live alone,

excuse me for interrupting, but you seem to possess

some knowledge that makes the earth turn and burn on its axis—“

But we don’t request such things from strangers

nowadays. So I said, “I love your hair.”

 

-Alison Luterman

About Patti Digh

Patti Digh is an author, speaker, and educator who builds learning communities and gets to the heart of difficult topics. Her work over the last three decades has focused on diversity, inclusion, social justice, and living and working mindfully. She has developed diversity strategies and educational programming for major nonprofit and corporate organizations and has been a featured speaker at many national and international conferences.

13 comments to " Say “I love your hair” "

  • Reply
    Elizabeth
    May 22, 2009 AT 9:26PM

    LOVE this poem. So often I think we mistake the serenity, queenliness, or god-like energy we see in someone for something too of this world, like their clothing or their hair. I find myself telling strangers on the street that I like their dress or their jacket, when, if I really think about it, it’s actually their smile or their bearing that extends its glow into how they wear their clothes. See the person, not the thing they wear.

    Thank you for posting this poem.

  • Reply
    Deb
    May 22, 2009 AT 9:52PM

    I can so easily visualize this whole poem with me standing there wanting to compliment a complete stranger, trying to find the ‘courage’ to go up to them. I often give a lame compliment instead of saying what is really in my heart. Some thing else for me to reflect upon – thank you.

  • Reply
    janetasmith
    May 22, 2009 AT 10:52PM

    That is fantastic.

  • Reply
    Beth Patterson
    May 23, 2009 AT 10:40AM

    Amazing poem and your friend’s site is now on my favorite’s list…

    I had an experience similar to this a long time ago–about 2000 or 2001 I was at an Arts in Medicine conference in Seattle, and there was a physician there who had beautiful thick white hair that she wore in a braid to her waist. She was in several of the workshops with me and I could think of little else besides her sweet and abiding presence and her hair. She was also a great writer–but I didn’t talk to her–think I was a little awe-struck and didn’t approach her…even with as puny an opening as ‘I love your hair’…

    Thank you, Patti…

  • Reply
    Gwyn
    May 23, 2009 AT 10:53AM

    Wonderful, and I am crying again. It’s been a weepy week in that love of love of life, this touches me deeply, we are all connected kind of way. Thank You for sharing.

  • Reply
    Kim Mailhot
    May 23, 2009 AT 11:21AM

    I guess saying “I love your hair” is a start though, isn’t it. Sometimes, the message behind the words can be picked up too, especially when the person you say them to seems to have that “I get life” feel to them. Imagine a world though, that allowed us to just go around expressing love and connection and compassion truly and genuinely whenever we felt it…heaven on Earth, I think…

  • Reply
    Laurie
    May 23, 2009 AT 11:35AM

    I live this poem, I am not a shy person, my kids are a little embarrassed of me because I talk to everyone, I love to give complete strangers compliments or just kind words, it makes me feel so happy, I truly believe that you reap what you sow.

  • Reply
    Sidhe
    May 23, 2009 AT 11:45AM

    Oh…I love this poem *so much*. I’ve lived the moment described within in. I think we all have. Thanks for sharing it!

  • Reply
    Liesl Garner
    May 23, 2009 AT 12:10PM

    I wish I could make my poetry be this concise, this poignant, this telling. I wish I could speak volumes like this in such a small space!

    Thank you for sharing! And like so many of your readers, I too am realizing now that when I compliment a stranger, it’s because there is something radiating from them that reaches out to me and blesses me. It’s not their scarf or their cute boots that strike me, it’s their spirit somehow extending beyond themselves and spilling over into the air around them and breathing a benediction on me as I pass.

    But how on earth do you tell someone that? Wouldn’t it just come out all crazy sounding?

  • Reply
    Acausal ConnEction
    May 23, 2009 AT 10:51PM

    I must admit that I’m a bit of a conversational klutz, especially as it relates to conveying emotions. I find myself looking for signals that it is okay to say what is in my mind and heart. Thanks for sharing this.

  • Reply
    Lori Murray
    May 24, 2009 AT 10:11AM

    I love your hair, Patti.

    And especially the heart beneath.

  • Reply
    Lynn Walsh
    May 24, 2009 AT 10:42PM

    Wonderful! How often does this also happen with people we do know, or have met, or whose work has influenced us. So often we leave those positive impacts unsaid. And yet, when someone takes the time to provide us with that confirmation it means so much. The poem (and your posting of it via Trudy) will help me stop the usual “will I?” pause.

  • Reply
    amy s
    June 13, 2009 AT 10:07AM

    wow, isn’t that the truth! how wonderful to now have that awareness…

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