Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth,
let’s not speak in any language;
let’s stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines;
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness.

Fisherman in the cold sea
would not harm whales
and the man gathering salt
would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,
wars with gas, wars with fire,
victories with no survivors,
would put on clean clothes
and walk about with their brothers
in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused
with total inactivity.
Life is what it is about;
I want no truck with death.

If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves with death.
Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead
and later proves to be alive.

Now I’ll count up to twelve
and you keep quiet and I will go.

—from Extravagaria (translated by Alastair Reid, pp. 27-29, 1974)

A game of hide and seek turned upside down.

I have started a meditation practice. I am committed to 45 minutes every day for 8 weeks to see how it changes me. It has come up now because I’ve decided to stop the medications I have been taking for PTSD and ADD. I have a feeling that in the long run they’re not good for my heart, literally, nor my soul. So I am thanking them for getting me through a difficult time, acknowledging their merit, and letting them go, for now and perhaps forever.

I’ve wanted to meditate for years, but simply haven’t. Now I am intrigued by the plasticity of my brain and the ways in which meditation heals.

So, I am investing in silence. And in myself.

I read this 444 page book in 2 days this week (not the revised version, but the original one), and the meditation program I will follow for 8 weeks is outlined in it. An older book, it outlines the stress reduction program at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. I am curious to see where these 8 weeks take me.

Now I’ll count up to twelve and you keep quiet and I will go.