my declaration of in(ter)dependence

July 4, 2012 in General

Independence Day. It is, like many U.S. holidays, lost in part to beer and fireworks and sales, the meaning diluted or held up as a siren song for Us vs Them chest-thumping talk, the kind of talk that inevitably ends in war, in order for another independence to be won. And so on.

The U.S. Declaration of Independence contains this sentence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. 

All men and women are created equal, indeed, but that is evidently not self-evident to those who have determined that some Rights are to be voted on, negating the very idea of Rights in the first place.

So, Independence Day. Choice Day. Declaration Day. A day when our founding fathers thought enough about the idea of happiness as a human right to say so. Unalienable, even. Whose happiness, I wonder? The people in the majority, or everyone? And haven’t we lost happiness in pursuit of being right, being against something or someone, winning?

We take our freedom so much for granted, don’t we? We place conditions on it: Oprah loses weight and we think, “Sure, sure, I could lose weight, too, if I had a personal chef and personal trainer,” forgetting that we are free to make healthy choices about mindful moving and eating, just as she is. We witness bullying and do nothing to stop it, fearing we’ll make a scene. We bitch and complain about politics, and then we don’t vote. We squander our freedom, people. We squander it. We abdicate our personal responsibility for freedom to others, looking to them for the “rules,” the talking points, the endorsement. We invest in the pursuit, perhaps, but not in the sustainability.

And are we best served by declaring our freedom from something (a resistance against) or our freedom to (a living into)?

So many questions. And so I started thinking: What is my Declaration of Independence, or interdependence, as my friend Kathy Schuth says? On this independence day, I’ve been thinking about all the freedoms I have. Here are some of them. It is a work in progress. As is life:

My Declaration of In(ter)dependence

I hold these truths to finally be self-evident, after 55+ years on the planet. Perhaps they were evident all along, but not necessarily to me. But now they are, by virtue of living and listening and surrounding myself with amazing people I learn from every day, and by virtue of some innate wisdom with which I’ve been graced.

I have the freedom to say yes, and I have the freedom to say no. And no is a complete sentence.

I have the freedom to say “that is private” even while living a semi-public life.

I have the freedom to choose how I respond to any circumstance, even the most dire, the most hurtful, the most painful. I can always choose love, even in those circumstances, and even if it takes me a while to get there sometimes. I have the freedom to expect the same from others, and not be attached to that expectation.

I have the freedom to give myself grace, or punish myself. I choose grace.

I have the freedom to see myself as whole, or broken, and I choose whole.

I have the freedom to make goals, see them as experiments, and change them if I need or want to.

I have the freedom to let go of people who, for whatever reason, are toxic to me.

I have the freedom to walk away or work harder to make it work.

I have the freedom to let go of any inhibitions I have about speaking my mind, and at the same time allow that other people have wholly different minds.

I have the freedom to choose being happy over being right.

I have the freedom to make healthier choices.

I have the freedom to love my body unconditionally right now, not after I lose weight.

I have the freedom to relinquish my throne as the Queen of the People Pleasers, as the Asshole Whisperer, and as the Entire World Saver.

I have the freedom to ask why, and not simply how. And I can ask why without needing to ask how.

I have the freedom to laugh loudly, but never at people, at misery, at poverty, at injustice.

I have the freedom to tell a different story with my life, one that is quiet or loud, big or small–I have those choices.

I have the freedom to vote, and I have the responsibility to shut up if I don’t vote.

I have the freedom to love well, live fully, let go deeply, and make a difference.

I have the freedom to ignore the experts and their templates for success and go my own way.

I have the freedom to ignore people who scream the loudest and look for community in the quiet corners.

I have the freedom to follow my own heart, deeply and fully.

I have the freedom to love whomever I want, and I recognize that not everyone does.

I have the freedom to be a true ally to those who don’t have the same rights as me. A true ally. One who listens before “solving,” one who acknowledges the privileges that have made my life easier, one who asks questions to learn what is helpful rather than deciding myself what is helpful.

I have the freedom to either be the heroine of my story, or the victim of it.

I have the freedom to react or respond, and I choose the latter whenever possible.

I have the freedom to walk into discomfort without judging myself or other people.

I have the freedom to see difficult, hot moments as opportunities for growth, and not opportunities to lash out, make assumptions, or fight.

I have the freedom to see life as playing a game to win, or playing a game to learn. I choose learning, every time.

I have the freedom to either focus on the obstacles, or on the yearnings, and I choose the yearnings.

I have the freedom to hand other people along.

I have the freedom to speak in my own voice.

I have the freedom to make bad choices and live into the consequences, and recover.

I have the freedom to say what I long to say.

I have the freedom to be overwhelmed, or not.

I have the freedom to be a mother to my children, a partner to my spouse, a neighbor to my neighbors, a friend to my friends.

I have the freedom to be open, or closed.

I have the freedom to acquire, or to give.

I have the freedom to hold two opposing thoughts in my head at the same time, to live in both/and rather than either/or.

I have the freedom to work for the unalienable rights of other people so they are truly unalienable, and not political.

I have the freedom to understand that with freedom comes great responsibility.

What is your declaration of in(ter)dependence? What are some of your freedoms you now recognize as self-evident? What do you declare? Leave a comment and let me–and others in this community–know. That’s how we learn. By sharing.

About Patti Digh

Patti Digh is an author, speaker, and educator who builds learning communities and gets to the heart of difficult topics. Her work over the last three decades has focused on diversity, inclusion, social justice, and living and working mindfully. She has developed diversity strategies and educational programming for major nonprofit and corporate organizations and has been a featured speaker at many national and international conferences.

17 comments to " my declaration of in(ter)dependence "

  • Reply
    Estherlouie
    July 4, 2012 AT 9:23AM

    Thank you Patti.  This is always a hard holiday for me.  I thought you might appreciate Nellie Wong’s poem as well.  http://growanewtale.blogspot.com/2012/07/i-met-poet-nellie-wong-in-1994-when-i.html

  • Reply
    beth silvers
    July 4, 2012 AT 9:57AM

    I have the freedom to change my mind and my thinking and myself at any time. 

  • Reply
    Chris McLaughlin
    July 4, 2012 AT 10:04AM

     I don’t have a Declaration of In(ter)Dependence. But I had some thoughts on freedom and the pursuit of happiness this morning.

    The dog and I headed out early to catch the coolest part of the day.
    Eighty degrees at 6 am, when I put on last night’s clothes like a
    fireman hurrying to meet an alarm, it was 88 by the time we returned, a
    short mile and a half later.

    I might have lasted longer, but Idgie was panting so we turned around.

    There are few flags out this Fourth of July, perhaps because the
    parched ground  has turned to concrete. All along the parkway, ground
    cracked  in places where there are no trees, the grass looks and feels
    like floor scrubbing brushes.

    What is watered thrives, and what isn’t, doesn’t.

    But there was a soft breeze, and under the trees and brush, blackcaps
    to eat. Without the rains they are tiny, all seed surrounded by
    concentrated sweetness.

    To tell you the truth, I don’t have much luck pursuing happiness. But when I let it pursue me, that’s another matter.

    At 6 am, the bike riders were seizing the day as well. A little
    slowed, they lost some of their pursuing concentration and chatted with
    each other. It felt festive and, well, free, the way riding a bike made
    you feel when  you were a kid and it was the way you could escape, go
    far, feel the stirring wind on your face, practice feats of stunt
    excellence, be your own woman or man.

    Your idea of happiness may be different from mine. But I have most of
    what mine takes: family and friends (and a dog) to love, a job that
    means something and does some good, chances to learn and experience
    utter concentration in some tasks, and enough personal and other
    resources to be resilient for awhile when the drought comes, as it
    surely will.

    Today let happiness pursue you. All you have to do is notice what is
    good around you, and it will sneak up while your attention is there.

    (from my blog http://www.wauwatosanow.com/blogs/communityblogs/161331025.html#!page=0&pageSize=10&sort=newestfirst)

  • Reply
    LMA9
    July 4, 2012 AT 10:07AM

    I have the freedom — and the responsibility to my own pursuit of happiness — to abandon the concept of “closure” as an absolute. It is nice work if you can get it, but it is not always achievable. Circumstances — death, the willingness of others to participate, the irrevocable reality of certain situations — often prevent it. If I wail against injustice insisting on an outcome I cannot have, I hurt myself and those I love. I become that toxic person. Instead of “closure,” I declare I shall use the word “acceptance,” remembering that does not always mean “fully like,” but that it can mean peace if I will let it. ~ Linnea

  • Reply
    Anjali Amit
    July 4, 2012 AT 10:07AM

    Beautifully said. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Kim Mailhot
    July 4, 2012 AT 11:08AM

    The freedom of choice, each and every day, is what I am celebrating today. It’s what I am grateful for every morning that I open my eyes. As for taking and making use of that choice in responsible ways every day ? Well, that, as you said, my Brilliant, Wise, Beautiful Friend, is the work in progress that is this one precious life. Thank you for making me think and feel on it a little more this day.
    I am grateful to be in this world at the same time as you, Patti Digh.
    Love you !

  • Reply
    Grant Millin
    July 4, 2012 AT 11:14AM

    Great notion. Thank you, Patti.

    We all have different ways of describing things and different stories so we should all spend the time wrting our own personal manifestos. I have personal notes from 20 years ago I need to reword into something like this so this declaration of in(ter)dependence is a great stimulus.

  • Reply
    Maureen
    July 4, 2012 AT 12:01PM

    I’d love to see copies of this dropped all over the world, the way poems recently were dropped over London.

  • Reply
    Katie Locke
    July 4, 2012 AT 12:21PM

    I am giving myself the freedom to not have all the answers. The freedom to be. The freedom to live in the moment and to find the joy in what is, not to be consumed by what is not.

  • Reply
    Kimthecornhusker
    July 4, 2012 AT 12:21PM

    I have the freedom to love mysel as I am and how I was created

  • Reply
    ColorJoy
    July 4, 2012 AT 1:25PM

    Patti, I love you… And your words/ intent. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Teresa
    July 4, 2012 AT 1:51PM

    This is a beautiful, rich, full declaration! Hooray!  Here’s what I’d add for myself:

    I have the freedom to see(k) Beauty in (sm)all things. I choose to share this with you.

  • Reply
    Susie Surtees
    July 4, 2012 AT 6:53PM

    A heart,a voice and conviction. That’s all we need. You’re a fine wayshower Patti Digh.

  • Reply
    The Summer of Lists: An Update | Back to Allen
    July 5, 2012 AT 10:24AM

    […] self, I’d look at the list and see everything that’s still left. But today, because Patti Digh reminded me that I get to choose what I focus on and what I don’t, I choose to look at what we’ve already accomplished in this blur of a […]

  • Reply
    Gudrun Bjorg Erlingsdottir
    July 6, 2012 AT 5:11AM

    I have the freedom to let go of expectations I have put upon myself
    I have the freedom to let go of worrying about what other people think about me
    I have the freedom to let go of trying to keep everything the way it has always been

    If I find myself getting nervous, I stop and relax for three full breaths. Then I take one small step, then another. That is how people get to the top of Everest :)

    Thank you Patti for opening my eyes

  • Reply
    Gwyn Michael
    July 6, 2012 AT 7:49AM

     “I have the freedom to understand that with freedom comes great responsibility.” This is what makes the others so hard. We want to do our best. I do. Freedom of choice is sometimes numbing. I guess I would add:I have the freedom of choice, and I choose now. Love you so much!

  • Reply
    Tribe love : 07.13.12 | Roots of She
    July 13, 2012 AT 9:30AM

    […] hold these truths to finally be self-evident, after 52+ years on the planet. Perhaps they were evident all along, but […]

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