Look For The Graces

Sometimes (often), our plans don’t work out the way we want them to in the moment, but we can see years later that they worked out for the best after all. That kind of perspective takes the distance of time. That unveiling isn’t instantaneous and in the meantime, years can be lost in regret, that heaviest of weights. How can we short circuit that process of what we might see as failure?

John and Emma drove to Florida this week to help John’s elderly parents. Everything was prepared, a Big Plan was made over many months. They are driving back home today, having been able to accomplish almost nothing that was planned, for various reasons. It feels frustrating in the moment, like the trip was for nothing, like we are back at square one.

But that only takes into account the plan, and not the journey itself.

Ten hours of travel there with daughter and father, having the support of each other when the shit hit the fan and the plan had to be dropped, moments of grace when they were able to take a break and go to the beach together, and ten hours of travel back today, stopping at Manatee State Park on the way. (Some of you might remember Emma’s fascination with manatees as a child, leading mother and daughter to take a trip to San Diego’s Sea World to camp overnight with the manatees there, watching them roll and swim above us in their huge glass warm water tank while we froze all night on the concrete in WalMart sleeping bags.) That time with children comes less and less as they grow older. And meanwhile, Feliks and I have had days just to ourselves. Together, we planned meals for every night, got the groceries together, and had a chance to talk, just the two of us, for days.

So, the outcome is a far bigger win than a fail, and we have to remember that when we are feeling defeated. We need to always look for the wins, those moments of grace that arise. If we are too focused on the plan, we can’t see those graces that deepen and enrich our lives, but we must.