Say No to April Fool’s Day
I hate April Fool’s Day and the jokes that accompany it, so you will never find those here.
Speaking of jokes, let’s talk about what happened at the Oscars last Sunday night. First, I always choose a gown for the Oscars and this year, I chose the dress you see here, by Ukrainian designer, Nadya Dzyak.
Now, back to jokes. What are jokes, and on what do they depend? While we know that anger occurs when something bad happens to you and you blame someone else, and guilt occurs when something bad happens to someone else and you blame yourself, are we sure we can explain when laughter occurs?
Jokes involve the (sometimes unexpected) use of a shared language. Often, they tell a truth that others won’t voice, or they compare two disparate things in a way that is jolting and causes us to laugh in surprise or disbelief (incongruity theory), or they poke fun at the person telling the joke (lowering status) or someone else. The Oscars rely on this kind of banter to be entertaining. Without them, the show would only be 30 minutes long and where’s the money in that?
Some jokes lay bare truths that no one else will say. Some, unfortunately, poke fun at others (superiority theory), an especially egregious act when done to intentionally harm those being ridiculed for something they cannot change—a core identity such as race, gender identity, disability, appearance, and more. Some allow for release of psychological stress (relief theory) and some stand on the line separating funny and not funny (benign violation theory). I used to teach a class on intercultural humor, so I can geek out on this for much longer, if you’d like. Smile.
Perhaps Chris Rock’s joke about Jada Pickett-Smith’s lack of hair is an example of the latter, straddling not-very-funny and offensive. It is said that he was unaware of her struggles with alopecia. I’m not interested in parsing the context here, though I have thoughts about it. And some of those thoughts center around the fact that this is a cross-cultural issue so there is plenty of room for assumptions and assessments that don’t take into account the cultural context.
This is not about two millionaires acting out in public and then everyone in the room pretending that nothing happened. This is not about who is right and wrong—they were both wrong. Instead, I am exploring what makes us laugh and the often thin line between laughter and anger. It is not an exploration I can tie up in a bow for myself or you. I just know that jokes often hurt—both intentionally and unintentionally—and the route to laughter at someone’s expense is fraught with intent and impact. We could all do well to remember that and consider the impact as much or more than the intent.
Are we losing the capacity to laugh? Only if that laughter is intentionally directed at someone and it intentionally or unintentionally hurts them. Then we get to choose how we respond. And god knows we have enough in the world to target as ridiculous—no need to drag someone’s appearance into the fray. And no need to respond with violence. Let’s try using our words and subsequent actions to have a dialogue and greater impact.
For me, the saddest part of this experience was Jaden Smith’s tweet after it: “And this is how we do it.” Generational trauma and violence continues in such a way. Let’s work hard to break that ongoing spiral in our own lives.
