How to love unconditionally.
I’ll admit it. I have a rough track record on this one, loving unconditionally. I expect more from people sometimes, and sometimes I have been betrayed or lost enormous amounts of money because of loving (and trusting) unconditionally. But I still try. I’m trying. I’m learning.
Who was my best teacher?
A little rescue dog named Perry, with tiny legs that barely lifted him off the ground, they were so short. We adopted him from an animal shelter five years ago, and he was intended to be our then 8-year-old’s dog. It didn’t work out that way.
From the beginning, Perry had decided that I was his human. Felix was distraught over this, and then resigned to the fact that wherever I went, Perry came bouncing along after me. If I went to the bathroom, he followed me and sat outside the door until I came back out. If I sat in a chair in the living room, he would sit right beside it. When I walked out to my office, he was always behind me, but if he didn’t hear me go, he would figure it out and sit on a little step just outside the door to my office until I opened it.
When I was away on business trips, John would report that Perry stayed in his crate or on that little step outside my office, looking for me. When I got home, he would always bound out the door to greet me. He would sleep on his bed next to my side of the bed. He only barked at strangers or bears who came to our house if I was in the house, protecting me. We were rarely apart, for five years.
I came back from a trip to the Seattle area last month, and Perry didn’t run out to greet me. Instead, he stayed on his dog pillow next to my chair. He looked thinner, and didn’t get up as much. I would lift him into bed every night, wanting to stay close. John took him to the vet a few days after I got home; Perry was full of cancer. The vet told us we needed to put him down because it had invaded his stomach and he couldn’t eat. John called me, crying. I left immediately to join him at the vet’s office.
I’ve never mourned for a pet like I have for little Perry, my constant companion. No matter how much I didn’t deserve it, he was always, always there for me. Always.
We sat in a field next to the animal hospital that Sunday afternoon, holding Perry and talking to him. And then the nurse came to get us. We went back into the office and I held him as she injected him with a sleeping agent, and then the drug that stopped his little amazing compassionate knowing heart.
Little Perry. Where is he? I didn’t go out to my office for two weeks after his death. I still watch the doors I go through to make sure he’s not in danger of being hit by them. It’s like a limb has been cut off.
Perry came back to us a few weeks ago in a beautiful wooden box, which sits on my desk now. What did I learn about unconditional love from him?
- It depends on nothing. Not what the person has done or said, nothing. That’s what makes it unconditional. If we only extend unconditional love if the conditions are of our choosing, it’s not unconditional. If we only extend unconditional love to our kids when they’re making choices we like, it’s not unconditional. If we only extend unconditional love when our partner brings home the right kind of peanut butter from the grocery store and remembers to pick up the mail, then it’s not unconditional.
- It is loyal. Unconditional love protects us and is overjoyed to see us, not matter what. Without hesitation, Perry went after a bear once to protect me. Little stubby Perry just inches off the ground vs big bear.
- It is shown. It’s one thing to say “I love you,” and it’s another thing altogether to show it. Perry showed it every day with his constant companionship. How do we show unconditional love?
We have started looking for another dog, one that will show Felix that same kind of unconditional love. My job is to disengage so a new dog can bond with Felix first and most deeply, because Felix needs to feel that same kind of connection and know that his new friend will always be there for him.
Perry will forever have a big place in my heart. Now that the shock has lessened, the memories are so sweet and the love so deep. Wherever I go, he still goes with me.
