new ways
Having spent 2013 decluttering and downsizing, gift buying and giving has irrevocably changed for me this holiday season. More experiences, fewer things, for one. Less “stuff” in general. Consciously so, each interaction with “things” a different conversation in my head. And it is interesting, having stepped back from consumerism, to acknowledge the ways in which that shift is difficult in the face of past expectations. Is anyone else feeling this?
In response to that question, which I posed on Facebook, a woman named Shelle Smith Budiselic responded, “Oh yes! I chose to buy my kids only four presents this year: a want, a need, a wear and a read. It really reduced the holiday stress for me and I’m hoping it reduces the focus on ‘things’ for them.”
This morning, we awoke to a very few gifts from Santa under the tree, not the multitudes from years past, years in which toys were abandoned because there just were too many on which to focus, years in which things were bought for the sake of filling up the space in the stockings. I followed Shelle’s suggestion this year, and the kids each got a want, a need, a wear, and a read. The “wants” were experiences they want to have, not tangible “things.” Yes, experiences are sometimes more expensive, though they don’t have to be – in either case, they take up room only in our hearts and minds and collective memories, not in our homes. And experiences will stay with us; we won’t be taking them to a thrift store in a few years only to replace them with other things. We’re focused now on verbs, not nouns.
We sold our old Victorian house this fall, and moved to another, less expensive town, and into a wondrous 1960s ranch house half the price of the one we sold, and smaller. We did that because we intentionally want to create a simpler life, one that can support the kinds of experiences we want to have, not one that supports a life of things we then need to dust, house, move around, and worry about breaking. We want to create a life with a smaller footprint that expands who we are as individuals and as a family, surrounding ourselves with shared experiences and relationships, handmade art and crafts, and love rather than new toys. That’s our new center.
What I wish for you during this holiday season and into the coming year is that you find your center and honor that. It may be – and likely is – quite different from mine. And that is okay. It is more than okay. There is space here for us all.
While this holiday season is a time of great cheer for some, it is a time of great difficulty for others. Find someone who needs love and support and offer that in a way they can hear it, feel it, know it. It is the best gift we can give, now and forever.
Love,
P.S. Much of Christmas Day is spent remembering my father. Today would have been his 87th birthday, had he not died at 53. I love him, and cherish all he taught me, as well as all his death taught me at too young an age.
