a hands free life.

February 1, 2013 in General
People-texting12

On Monday of this week, I deleted Facebook, Twitter, Hootsuite, and Pinterest from my iPhone. There is not much to do on there now but make phone calls (gasp) and take photographs.

On Tuesday, I downloaded onto my laptop an add-on to Firefox called Leechblock, which allows me to block social media (and other) sites for prescribed periods of time each day (or all day).

On Wednesday, I read this article, confirming the shared urge behind what I had done on Monday and Tuesday, and recognizing myself in her words.

What captures our attention controls us. And what has taken the place of our work has become our work. And what has taken the place of our life has become our life.

And sometimes we become reactors and responders rather than creators.

Yes, but…

Yes, but I love community.

Yes, but I love hearing from people and sharing information and reading what people have posted.

Yes, but I love the serendipity of what I find.

Yes, but I love being in relationship with friends in such a close way.

Yes, but I need to be in relationship with myself and with the people in my home in a different way. In a way that isn’t all for public consumption. In a way that leaves me time for spectacular moments that can’t be contained in a Facebook status or tweet. In a way that leaves me more time for practicing Old Susannah on my fiddle. And bike rides. And writing. Things I cannot do with a phone constantly in my hand. I want to leave my house without gasping in horror that I’ve left my phone inside. I want to disengage from the search for electric plugs. I want to experience moments without the meta-message of “I need to Facebook this.” Do you understand that or feel an urge toward that yourself?

The New York Times recently reported on the risks of parenting while plugged in.

I am disengaging from my phone, my laptop, those objects that keep me out of direct relationship. Not completely, of course, but drastically.

I want to see more of these moments.

How does social media enhance your life, and how does it keep you from living your life? Can you go handsfree for a day, or more? Leave a comment below so we can all learn.

Love,

patti signature on white

 

 

 

UPDATE: Thanks for all of your response to this. A few notes to clarify some things that are being raised in your emails and comments:

1. This is about my journey. It is not intended to minimize your journey or love of social media. I love social media too–and will continue to, in moderation.

2. I want my use of technology to be mindful–that is my primary intent.

3. I learn so much from Facebook and Twitter, and will continue to do so.

4. What I won’t do is spend car trips in the passenger seat constantly checking Facebook rather than singing “99 bottles of beer on the wall” or reading books to each other aloud. What I won’t do is mask my own feelings of loneliness or vulnerability with brave posts of happiness. What I won’t do is panic if I don’t have my phone on my hip at all times. What I won’t do is Facebook when I want and need to be writing. What I won’t do is stop having an experience to Facebook the experience. What I won’t do is start itching if I can’t find an electrical outlet to plug in. That doesn’t mean that you have to do those things, or that your connection to your phone or computer is as troublesome in your life as it has become in mine.

5. What I will do is mindfully engage in social media conversations and communities I love so much in smaller doses each day.

6. What I will probably do after this month is add social media back to my phone for safety reasons, once I have re-calibrated my relationship with them – I believe there is great power in being connected in that way and have seen how that power can help in an emergency situation.

7. This is not an all-or-nothing proposition, and it is clear we often see things in that equation. This is a moderation equation, directly linked to my own imbalances and lack of impulse control and addictive behaviors. Moderation. Just like I now moderate my inhalation of lavender cake. Moderation.

About Patti Digh

Patti Digh is an author, speaker, and educator who builds learning communities and gets to the heart of difficult topics. Her work over the last three decades has focused on diversity, inclusion, social justice, and living and working mindfully. She has developed diversity strategies and educational programming for major nonprofit and corporate organizations and has been a featured speaker at many national and international conferences.

27 comments to " a hands free life. "

  • Reply
    Lisa Lise Taquette
    February 1, 2013 AT 7:55AM

    My partner and I recently unplugged completely for a 24 hour get away in the North Georgia mountains. It was delightful. No TV, no DVDs, no cellphones, no laptops, no landlines, no FaceBook, no online Scrabble with friends, no news, no email, no radio, just each other and mountains, sun, sky, trees, a room in a lodge with a fireplace, time to walk in the woods and around Dahlonega, lovely meals at restaurants and sandwich shops, time to read books, talk, kiss and nap. We had grown apart a bit because of all of the time we were plugged in to the net. I have chosen since to plug in less. I love connecting via FaceBook, especially with my VerbTribe friends, but I was reading more than writing. I have now finally started my first self-help books. I am sorry that I do not have time to read everything my dear prolific VerbTribe friends post. I love you all. FB can be addictive. I am choosing to limit time on it and be here and now unplugged more often.

    • Reply
      Patti Digh
      February 1, 2013 AT 10:18AM

      I think that sounds glorious – and for me, I’m seeking a better balance as well. Not letting go completely because my life is infinitely richer because of social media, but prioritizing in a different way.

  • Reply
    Jennifer Szescula Flanagan
    February 1, 2013 AT 8:39AM

    This energy is definitely in the air as I’ve spent the last few weeks paring down more and more (digitally and otherwise) to what I want to let in (and HOW it does get in). I think I did my last full sweep of deleting yesterday but more could be on its way. So I was thrilled to see this in my reader this morning…just another sign that I’m on MY right path which is engaging with life and not the computer. Thank you Patti.

  • Reply
    Marion Williams-Bennett
    February 1, 2013 AT 9:15AM

    “And sometimes we become reactors and responders rather than creators….” This line said in all for me. When I stopped and thought about that, I realize how much I am consuming information rather than creating. The information and connections are great, but it is so easy to just dart from one thing to the next, taking small bites of information here and there and never feeling full.

    I found that it’s killing my ability stop, and just be in the moment. In the moment where all the good stuff happens.

    I am taking breaks throughout the day. Two hours here, three hours there. Sunday is a “screen Sabbath” for the whole family – no screens all day. Finally, I try to lead by example for my daughter and only be on the phone when it really ,really matters.

    It’s a start. Thank you for this thoughtful post and good luck with your quest.

  • Reply
    Michele Thomas
    February 1, 2013 AT 9:20AM

    Oh, I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this post. I checked out of Facebook altogether on Tuesday evening — I had my brother change the password and said I don’t know when I’ll want it back. Facebook Sabbaticals are not uncommon for me, and I won’t be going back until I decide how I’m going to engage there — yes, until I decide ahead of time how and where and when my time will be spent there.

    I also deleted every single RSS feed from my Reader. If it’s important enough to read, then it can come to my e-mail. Otherwise, I let it go.

    All of these wonderful tools that connect us to the world tend to draw us in so deeply until they disconnect us from ourselves. I like your idea of removing Facebook and such from the phone. The idea is slightly frightening — sort of the reason I moved to a smartphone — yet it appeals to me too.

    • Reply
      Patti Digh
      February 1, 2013 AT 10:15AM

      I found myself on Facebook all the time simply because the notifications came to my phone – and that felt unhealthy to me when I realized I was hooked in that way. I’ve set my laptop access to Facebook for short periods of time each day, and it feels much healthier for me. Good luck!

  • Reply
    Kathryn Antyr Costa
    February 1, 2013 AT 9:59AM

    Last November and December I took a blog break, unexpectedly and cut back on Facebook as well. My body cried out for it and I’m so happy that I did. I’m no longer “hooked” and the pull to stay plugged in at all times. I like the strategies you implemented this week to control the flow of noise and distraction. Way to go!

    I definitely feel that social media has enhanced my life. I can get instant feedback on ideas. I can stay in touch with people I care about. I can learn new things. Managing the time is key. As long as I have a rich life offline, I know I’m living a good life.

    • Reply
      Patti Digh
      February 1, 2013 AT 10:14AM

      Yes, it is very much managing the time for me. Social media is fantastic – and very much enhances my life. What I’ve found is a need to unhook from it and be engaged with it in a healthier way, as you did.

  • Reply
    Linda T. Marsh
    February 1, 2013 AT 10:25AM

    Being an older Mom, this hasn’t been as much of an issue for me. My cell phone is rarely used, and only for phone calls. I can do emails and Facebook while our son is in school or after he has gone to bed. My netbook is more often used as an e-reader. Our son loves to read because I read to him all the time when he was young. He loves to write. He loves to draw. My regret is that we did not engage him as much in sports and physical activities.

  • Reply
    LMA9
    February 1, 2013 AT 10:49AM

    The election began my cutting back. The thorough hacking and subsequent deletion/recreation of my Facebook continued the trend. The Sandy Hook shootings nudged it further. Then REAL, explosive PAIN from my neck down to my lower back — which has required the near-constant use of heat and muscle relaxants — got my attention. Stayed completely offline because to be online hurt, and got better. Spent too much time online Wednesday and had the worst day yet. When we don’t listen to our instincts, our bodies will force us to pay attention.

    If my computer time is going to be limited by physical necessity, I want to spend it chronicling life — not living through a screen. ~Linnea A.

  • Reply
    Anne Ryan
    February 1, 2013 AT 10:49AM

    Patti, Thanks so much for reaffirming my reason for deactivating facebook for a period of time. Somehow the word “delete” needs to take on a new meaning for many of us, doesn’t it? Yes, social media is wonderful; however, when it consumes us it’s time to revamp a bit. I’ll look forward to hearing from you again…when I check my e-mails ONCE a day now. Blessings, Anne Ryan, Charlotte, NC

  • Reply
    (Dis)connection « Spinning in the Stars
    February 1, 2013 AT 11:49AM

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  • Reply
    Elizabeth Fitzpatrick
    February 1, 2013 AT 12:16PM

    I unfriended everyone from my fb account a while ago except my son and the queen, partly because I was tired of the chatter and the distraction it caused, but mostly I was tired of myself. It seemed excessively narcissistic (wow, I spelled that right the first time) to constantly write about what I thought about what I was thinking. I this and I that and I I I, me me me. Ugh. I needed a vacation from myself.

    You know that really bad 70s song -” I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me”. Well, I’ve been to me and realized I sound like Charlie Brown’s mother.

    I do play a lot of Scrabble on fb, but I think that’s a much better use of my time.

    ‘Tis a bit ironic that you have to register to leave a reply or… connect via a social media outlet. Just sayin.

  • Reply
    Susie Riley
    February 1, 2013 AT 2:11PM

    I have neither a laptop nor a cell phone, and I really like that. I’ve looked around while at restaurants and seen scores of tables where dining partners are more engaged in their iPhones than in each other, and it breaks my heart. I yearn for eye contact when talking with someone, so it deeply saddens me when their eyes are on the screen of their mobile device. Why do so many of us yearn for that kind of connection when REAL connection is within arm’s reach of us? What are we sacrificing, losing, hurting in the process?

  • Reply
    Valerie McQueen
    February 1, 2013 AT 2:44PM

    “What I won’t do is mask my own feelings of loneliness or vulnerability with brave posts of happiness.” THIS. I would love to read your expanded thoughts on this. It seems that I can get lost in a sea of people who put on a “glitter face”. I know I am guilty of it too. What are we hiding? What are we afraid of? Where is the line?

    Thank you for this post today. The Universe must be speaking to me because with a baby on the way, I have been thinking about how addicted I am to social media and how I am afraid I will miss out if I stay the course I am on. I don’t want to be thinking about how cute this moment would be to tweet about, or how I can make my life look “oh so great!” with an uploaded picture on Instagram. I want authenticity. I want my daughter to grow up knowing she ALWAYS will be my first priority over technology. I’ll be passing this along. Thanks Patti! xoxoxoxoxo

  • Reply
    shanna
    February 1, 2013 AT 3:27PM

    Patti, I so love this and the spirit in which you share this post.

    I have been taking baby-steps away from the uber-connected life, and honestly, every time I do disconnect, I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted my shoulders–I just can’t keep up, and I’m not sure how much I want to. After a while it feels toxic to me, and I have spent much of my adult life eliminating toxins and potentially addictive substances and situations–spending too much time on line, and sugar, are my last bastions :)

    A year ago I posted on the opportunity to enjoy a Digital Blackout and I still do that occasionally. Social media utilities/platforms are tools; not life itself–life is happening beyond the keyboard!

    Oh, and I also came across this recently: http://www.sabbathmanifesto.org/unplug/

  • Reply
    Terry Hartley
    February 1, 2013 AT 4:09PM

    Yep–same here. I was reading so many things and could hardly remember much of it. I went to the library and checked out some of the top books from 2012 and reading is now much more pleasurable to me. I also went to the store and bought matching knitting needles and some yarn, taught my granddaughter to knit and now we sit together on the settle like two little old ladies and knit and talk and laugh. It feels so old fashioned to knit and just be in company with one another. I still love social media and will enjoy it but now it has been moved over slightly to allow for other more satisfying endeavors. And–we’re creating scarves (lots of learning mistakes) for ourselves.

  • Reply
    Liz Marco
    February 2, 2013 AT 10:17AM

    Being a “techno moron”, (this is the first blog I’ve ever managed to find) my screen time has been limited. My lack of ability with technology has always made me feel dumb, incompetent, and left out, as if the world is on a fast moving train and I’m forever stuck on the side tracks. Sometimes it seems my hair is ruffled by the wind of that train blowing by. It is refreshing to know that many people on that fast train can’t wait to jump off at the next stop. I hope they don’t rush off in fast cars too quickly because it will take a while for me to walk there. I’d like to meet them.

  • Reply
    carlagolden
    February 2, 2013 AT 3:30PM

    As an avid Apple lover (the only brand computer I’ve ever had since the late 80’s) I have purposely resisted the purchase of the beloved iPhone. I have a smart phone which is just slightly annoying to use, so it remains in the TOOL category rather than the TOY category. I like this built in deterrent. Though I’m online a lot for my work, I am very streamlined about my desktop computer usage so that I can get a ton done in a short amount of time. Also, we do not have TV, so the bulk of my screen time is desktop computer which is 80% work, 20% play. Kudos to your new choices!

  • Reply
    Yvonne Nutter
    February 4, 2013 AT 8:16AM

    I was so delighted to stumble upon this post today after having had a frank discussion with my daughter yesterday on this very subject. I was telling her how hurt I was by her not commenting on or “liking” one of my comments on one of her Facebook posts. That I was sad and angry and felt she just never acknowledges my existence there. How ridiculous is THAT? Her response: “Mom, it’s just Facebook! I knew I would be talking to you later, anyway, and I was trying to get work done and NOT respond to everything everyone was posting.” I told her I knew it was silly, but as someone who is often housebound due to physical difficulties, Facebook has become one of my only social outlets. She said, “That’s a problem.” And she is right. Out of the mouths of 26-year-old babes! I think I’ll actually call a friend instead when I feel lonely today.

  • Reply
    Pinterest as spiritual practice « On Crafting a Life
    February 6, 2013 AT 8:11PM

    […] The Pinterest craze has provided many of us with new ways to kill time.  And I mean, kill it dead.  The unbelievable depth and breadth of resources available present an enormous challenge to those of us with a passion for, well, anything.  Because it’s all on there – the whole world of hobbies, ideas, design, innovation, crafts, houses, book ideas, every possible manifestation of human interest.  It’s easy to start, hard to put down, and even harder to catch up on sleep after your first week.  Which is why all kinds of folks are including Pinterest in their media fasts, their unplugging, their general efforts to return to sane and local living.  (Patti Digh has a great little piece on that here.) […]

  • Reply
    Create a Family Tech Hour
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