for what or for whom do you grieve?

July 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

This weekend is the one-year anniversary of the weekend I spent with my friend, Nina, while she died. Three nights. And a year ago, I had my hardest night this evening, as she frantically tried to tell me something, her voice gone, her ability to write gone. Just a wisp of a person after being ravaged by Lou Gehrig's disease, ALS, she pulled me on top of her on her death bed, holding me tight, her eyes wide, wild. Gesturing, gesturing wildly toward the ceiling, looking into me and through me as she panicked. This was the hardest night, the long one, the one during which the chaplain was roused from his bed at 4am to come pray over her.

This photo was taken at Nina's funeral. We placed objects and photos on a table for people to remember, and to remember her by. This old doll was one of a very few things Nina asked me to pack for her move into the nursing home where she died. What are the things we keep? What are the things that fall away?

I’m currently writing a book called “The Geography of Loss.” It’s about navigating our way into loss and grief, exploring the geography of the lands we find there, sometimes setting up camp for a while, and then emerging into new lands. It is about creating our own atlas of experience.

I've created a new space for people to share their answers to this question: for what or for whom do you grieve?

Your answers can be anonymous, unless you include your name at the end of your post. You can include 400 words or so, photos, and short videos. Whatever needs saying, say it. What has been shared so far is heart-breaking and heart-making. It speaks of loss of all kinds, not just death. I hope you'll join in the conversation.

About Patti Digh

Patti Digh is an author, speaker, and educator who builds learning communities and gets to the heart of difficult topics. Her work over the last three decades has focused on diversity, inclusion, social justice, and living and working mindfully. She has developed diversity strategies and educational programming for major nonprofit and corporate organizations and has been a featured speaker at many national and international conferences.

5 comments to " for what or for whom do you grieve? "


Heather Carter

July 16, 2011 AT 7:54PM

Dear Patti, thank you for doing this and offering “us” a place to share about our own grief. I so appreciate how you shine in my heart and my life. thank you for being here ~ love, heatherlaree

Joanna Paterson

July 17, 2011 AT 3:21AM

Patti, I learned so much from you, and Nina, as you wrote about that time. It was something so terrible yet also beautiful, and essential to the human experience.

I have just had a read through some of the submissions on the site… they have that same quality. We need to learn how to move (together) through these lands, most definitely.

Thank you for what you do to help us navigate.

Teri and the cats of Curlz and Swirlz

August 3, 2011 AT 9:24AM

I grieve because I lost my assumptive future when my husband died, but the grief, after 4 years, has softened now and I have hopes for the future…

Max's friend

December 7, 2011 AT 11:23AM

I miss Max. He was the best. While my at that point wife was betraying me, he stood loyal at my side. While I went to bed alone, my heart ripping out of me, he was content to lay by me and was delighted to offer his companionship. I wonder if I shall ever have such a good friend again. Years later I tear up thinking of that dog!

Jenn

January 1, 2012 AT 10:09PM

I miss my breasts..