Moving past the comma.
I'm celebrating the 6th anniversary of 37days this month with a few guest posts. This one is by Joshua Durst, a man I met in Malaprop's Bookstore in Asheville one December day as I was there signing books. Malaprop's is so good to local authors and they ask many of us to be there during the holidays in one-hour increments to sign books for holiday shoppers. It is a wonderful gesture – and I do it to support Malaprop's – and, yet, because I'm inherently shy and not a salesperson, it is a wee bit torturous as shoppers dart by trying not to make eye contact lest you draw them in and they feel they have to buy your book. Or perhaps I'm overthinking it. At any rate, having this wonderful, beautiful, soulful man come talk to me as I stood there feeling greatly conspicuous was magical. I loved him immediately, and even more when I realized much later that we both own the same crazy bust of Elvis Presley that we carry around and photograph in odd places.
Life has not always been a verb for me. I suppose for most of my lifetime, you could say that I was stuck pretty much at a comma – knowing that there was something ahead, but not truly being able to move forward. While my heart and soul yearned for an authentic, real self, I had always succumbed to a traditional, expected path for my life. Completing college, getting married, having children, I tried my best to be the expected person while at the same time yearning to break free from the self inflicted chains of hiding behind normalcy.
Fast forward to a seemingly uneventful birthday, turning thirty-five years old…
Somewhere amongst the cake, ice cream, and presents, something broke inside of me. I knew that I could no longer continue, no longer deny the me that I was always intended to be. It took several more months of searching followed by hurt and pain that I inflicted on many who I loved deeply to finally be able to say, “This is the real me.” The angst that I caused, a hurtful byproduct of my search, will be a burden that I carry the rest of my days on this Earth. I know now, however, that my life now has authenticity, it has complete honesty, and it is good – very, very good.
The December after this new part of my journey began, I found myself in Asheville, North Carolina for the very first time. My boyfriend at the time and I spent the day shopping, eating, and enjoying the spirit of Asheville. Later in the afternoon, I happened upon the front window of Malprops bookstore where a book on the window display seemed to jump right out at me – Life is a Verb. The title immediately spoke to my heart and I walked into the store to take a closer look. Thinking about it now, I don’t really think that I even opened the book or looked at the price. I simply picked up a copy and walked to the counter to pay. After completing my purchase, the salesclerk asked if I might like to meet the author of Life is a Verb. When I said yes, she replied that the author was standing right behind me. To be honest, the words and topics of my discussion with Patti that day have escaped my memory, but what I do remember is thinking that she was a person who I wanted to be in my circle of life.
My copy of Life is a Verb is now rather dog-eared. There are post-it notes on some pages and notes and bookmarks stuck in other pages. I have loaned it to many friends when I knew they needed it (always with a solemn oath to return it to me when finished) and purchased it for many others. I return to the wisdom included in its pages frequently especially when I need to remember such things as to dance in my car, to love the unlovable, and to let go of the monkey bars.
I am deeply thankful to the Creator that I am no longer stuck at the comma, that life has now truly become a verb. I have great love in my life – my family, and from my friends (who are indeed family). I try to spread kindness to all I meet, share compassion for those less fortunate, and to demonstrate integrity to those who may also be struggling on their journey. I have learned many lessons and I know now that life is way to short to be less than complete. My creation is worthy, my heart is overflowing, and my soul is at peace.
Congratulations, Patti, on your blog milestone… Thank you for being my friend and also being a friend to the world. Your love and light shine like a beacon to all who know you, read your books, and are touched by your wisdom.
With much love,
Joshua Durst
(Joshua, I love the serendipity of our meeting….and you need to come back soon and bring your Elvis so we can take them both out to lunch at Mayfel's and eat too much homemade pimento cheese. Love you!)
