Consider this : tell them what you really do.


Emma at barn2

 

Dear Emma,

I hate to break this news to you, but you have maybe another four years before you get asked the proverbial “adult” question. It’s the question people will ask when they want to make some kind of sense about who you are before you even have a chance to tell them. It’s the question people ask when they don’t know what else to say.  It’s the question people use to make assumptions, judgments, and comparisons.  Don’t let them. Don’t you dare give them a one-word job title or a prepared 30 second elevator speech. Tell them what you really do and then ask them a question that will blow their hair back just as much as your answer did.

For starters, tell them you do a lot of things. Tell them you do your best to get a good night’s sleep and move your body on a regular basis. Tell them you make a mean stir-fry and on occasion a delicious dessert to celebrate a friend’s birthday. Tell them you do kind things for strangers and you do French accents with flair. Tell them you do surprise yourself from time to time by the amazing things you create with a computer. Tell them you still do laundry at home sometimes because you miss your parents and it gives you a decent amount of time to catch up with each other. Tell them what you do that makes your heart sing and your spirit soar.

Tell them what you really do, Emma and then watch how they listen and how they respond. Watch how a conversation between two strangers can turn into a magnificent sharing of personal stories that matter or a brief matter-of-fact report that doesn’t say much. What question should you ask them?  “What do you like to do?” is quite good. Of course you could always ask them the proverbial “kid” question.  “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  That should make them smile.  If it doesn’t, give them a beautiful smile as you tell them, “Thank you for asking me what I do.”

Congratulations and best wishes to you, Emma!

-Lisa Evans

www.beachdance.com

Beautiful. Many thanks to Lisa who flew across the U.S. to run in the Flying Pig half marathon with me in 2009. Well, she ran. I walked. But it gave us the opportunity to meet.

I am gathering wisdom from the far corners of the earth to give my older daughter, Emma, as she graduates from high school. What would you say to her? Or to your own 17-year-old self? What thoughts would you ask her to consider? You can submit your advice (instructions here) and 37 of those will be posted, one each day, culminating in a free e-book of all the submissions after her June 14th graduation.


About Patti Digh

Patti Digh is an author, speaker, and educator who builds learning communities and gets to the heart of difficult topics. Her work over the last three decades has focused on diversity, inclusion, social justice, and living and working mindfully. She has developed diversity strategies and educational programming for major nonprofit and corporate organizations and has been a featured speaker at many national and international conferences.

3 comments to " Consider this : tell them what you really do. "
  • Great thoughts, Lisa!

    It is such a conversation kick-starter, offering what one finds passion in rather than just a job description.

    Love the “a question that will blow their hair back” image!

  • Brilliant. Exactly.

    I think Emma is a lucky woman to have such mindful support and vibrant affection coming through these letters. Bravo.

  • Dear Lisa,
    Thank you. I am asked that question regularly while living in Los Angeles. Thank you for offering this pleasant response!

    Another question I could use a more pleasant response to is, “What are you?”
    / “Where are you from?”. They really want to know my ancestry, as my physical appearance doesn’t fit their concept of the norm. If you have a pleasant suggestion for that one, I’d appreciate it.

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