I would do exactly what my flesh and heart told me to do. I would override and abandon my conditioned, cautious, methodical, purposeful responses to life, and not neurotically fret over the collateral damage. I would eat king crab legs, shrimp, and pancakes almost every day. I would load my baked potato with extra butter and sour cream. I would add an additional scoop of jamocha ice cream to my already double-scoop, cookies and cream waffle ice cream cone. I would daily gulp down a caramel frappachino (with an extra shot of caramel, caramel drippings around the top and bottom of the cup, with whipped cream on top) and not wonder how many minutes on the stair master are needed to reverse the curse.  I would love every curve of my body. I would proudly and adamantly cancel my gym membership.

I would make a list and download all 523 of my favorite songs. I would croon them out over the sounds of southern breezes as I trekked back to my hometown origins  in Alabama. I would bow at my grandmothers’ graves for one final conversation and tell them “Thank you.” I would walk away contented and not sorrowful because I know I will see them shortly in heaven. I will write a tribute to my mother and father. I will leave behind a scholarship fund for women who are victims of sexual and physical abuse who need the financial means to start Part II of their lives. I would tell them not to be afraid and that Part II is the best part.

I will sit on the hood of my car, in the middle of nowhere, in the rain and savor the smell of“life”, having no regard to how my hair will look in the morning. As a matter of fact, I would cut off all of my hair in that cute cropped haircut which was my registered trademark in my twenties. I would hold in my arms the idealism, romanticism, and detached pragmatism of being twenty-something.

I would give every stranger on the street eye contact, ask “How are you doing?” and wait for an answer. I would embark in both meaningful and meaningless conversations with strangers and not look at my watch every five minutes. I would throw away my watch and burn my Blackberry. Every word would have a targeted destination. I would unashamedly tell people when they hurt my feelings and not feel guilty afterwards. I would be a jackleg comedian.

I would travel to South Africa.

I would travel to my childhood home – just because.

I would thank God for every tear, every sleepless night, every heart break, every suicidal thought. I would visit every boyfriend that broke my heart and say, “Thank you.” I would expose my secret crushes. I would entertain the advances of men who are really  “not my type.” I would go out on dates just for the sake of going out on a date, and not as an interview or prerequisite for marriage. I wouldn’t care that I’m 35 and not married. I would love the fact that I’m 35 and not married.

I would pray out loud. I live in the awareness that “I was saved to serve” and strategically look for moments and ways to touch someone’s life in a significant way. I would have lunch with my Pastor and ask every burning question I was afraid to ask for fear of being labeled a “sinner.” I would commit sin – just the little ones. Just kidding…..no, not really (smile).

I would not be ashamed of my testimony and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Everyday, I would put on my favorite pair of jeans, dusty New Balance tennis shoes, and unapologetically mix stripes with pok-a-dots. I would wear my favorite sweater in the dead of summer.

I would publish and blog the memoirs of my life journals, with the intent of helping, inspiring, challenging, and pissing people off. I would not censor my words and thoughts as much as I do now.

I would not say “goodbye” to my twin sister and those I love. I would live in the “Hello,” greeting everyone as if I were meeting them for the first time.