DAY 33 :: Love as if you will be answered
If I had only 37 days left I would…
Call everyone I know and cry about having only 37 days left
Try to figure out a way to extend the 37 days to at least 38, if not 39
Fly everyone I love in to sit on my bed with me
Touch people more—on their face, on their arm, behind their neck
Be less inhibited about laughing loud and farting
Write write write write and not spell check
Pray
Be adamant about doing anything that’s fun, dammit
Contact the man who broke my heart when I was 30 and tell him I still love him and can hear his voice whispering to me: kiss me.
Be more big and take up more space.
Be more quiet.
Nap
Find dogs I know and love to spend time with outside at the prairie
Spoon with my loved ones
Wear clothes that are comfortable even though they ‘don’t do much for my figure’
Eat and laugh and eat some more and laugh
Say all of the things in my heart that I feel and want people to know. The things that I’m usually too busy to express because I’m reading email, slicing cucumbers, paying bills, folding laundry, watching movies, buying a latte, standing in the magazine aisle at Walgreen’s reading the latest issue of People.
Be more present than ever.
Not be alone.
Jodi sent this wonderful list from Wisconsin, where a copy of LIFE IS A VERB will soon find its way to her.
As I read her list, I couldn’t help but ask myself some questions:
Who is on the list of people I’d call, and what is keeping me from calling them now, before it’s too late?
Why don’t I sit on my bed more often with the people I love most?
Why are we so hesitant to express ourselves physically? Why is touch so verboten?
Why do we care about perfection?
Who doesn’t fart, for god’s sake, and why do we spend so much energy hiding the fact that we are farters? Or cryers. Or lusters. Or haters. Or liars. Or angels?
What keeps us from contacting and thanking the people who have enlarged or shrunk our hearts?
Why on earth do we apologize for napping?
Why do we wear clothes that itch instead of ones that don’t?
What would it take to be more present? What would I have to let go of?
What would it take to not be alone?
How can I be more big, and not play so small?
I met Jodi last October at a conference in lovely, snowy Banff. I loved her immediately. Shortly after the conference, she sent me a quote from poet Tess Gallagher that has become a mantra: "Love as if you will be answered."
Jodi, you are an inspiration. Your energy and openness and vulnerability and engagement enthrall me–as you can tell, perhaps, in this photograph from the Banff conference shortly after we met. Your contribution to this community bonfire, this spark of urgent living as we number our days, is so meaningful.
Jodi and I are plotting a LIFE IS A VERB gathering (Book Reading? Farting Festival? Being More Big Party? Comfy Clothing Celebration?) in Madison, Wisconsin, in early October. Are you nearby? Let me know if you’d like more info or would like to help or if you’re in a nearby state whose names I can’t remember in my old age and would like to add on a stop near you (please put WISCONSIN FARTING FEST in the subject line. I dare you)!
How could you be more big and not play so small?
How can you love as if you will be answered?
